OPENING PRAYERS
Good morning and Shekinah Greetings to you Word Of Life wherever you are watching us this beautiful day. I pray that God will bless you and do you good.
Father, thank you for today the day you have made for us to rejoice in you.
We thank you because of what you are doing in our lives In the name of Jesus the Christ who is the son of the living God.
Thank you for the service of yesterday. Thank you because of your doings which are amazing in our lives.
To you be glory forever and evermore in Jesus precious name we have prayed. And we say amen and amen. Glory to God.
INTRODUCTION AND DEFINITION
This week I am starting a new series of teaching captioned relationships and emotional exhaustion.
What is emotional exhaustion? Emotional exhaustion is when stress begins to accumulate from negative or challenging event in life that just keep coming To the point that you find yourself in a state of feeling emotionally worn out or drained.
It happens when somebody does not have a healthy balance between the different compartments of his life.
So, when we talk about emotional exhaustion it's a result of imbalance leading to lack of motivation, anxiety, resentment, stress etc.
And I want to emphasize on the fact that it comes from the accumulation of stress.
So, sometime the tension that can be happening in relationships come from the fact that the people are exhausted.
Well, I'm not talking about physical exhaustion only because emotional exhaustion can also have an impact in the physical. I am talking about a place where you are just tired.
EXAMPLES OF EMOTIONAL EXHAUSTION
You know, I want to use examples that will help you have a better understanding of what I am talking about.
For example a mother who has children. She has to wake up early in the morning, dress them up, go to the stage or go to school to drop them, come back home to do the chores the whole day.
In the afternoon, she has to go back again to pick the children from school, bring them back home, cook for them, take care of the husband.
On top of all the above, money can cause her stress when she does not have enough to settle the bills, to pay the rent or face other needs of the house.
There might be also issues in the family. Somebody might be sick and needs attention. The relationship might be having struggles. Or one member might be challenged with a chronic disease.
You can be working but the job is not bringing so much satisfaction in your life.
What will you do in such a place? You will get tired. You will get emotionally exhausted not only at a personal level, but also at the relationship level.
PURPOSES OF RELATIONSHIPS
Listen to me friends. God has given us relationship to be healthy and to fulfil his purpose.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
Ecclesiastes 4:11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
Ecclesiastes 4:12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
PURPOSE 1 | TO BECOME BETTER
The first purpose of relationship is for you to become better not bitter. If a relationship is making you bitter or worse than the way you were before, something must be wrong in that relationship.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
PURPOSE 2 | TO BUILD UP
In Ecclesiastes 4:10, we read, “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up”.
When the relationship is not building you up but bringing you down, something must be wrong in that relationship.
In Proverbs 27:17, it is written, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend”.
A relationship is to be a place where we challenge one another to grow.
PURPOSE 3 | TO WARM UP
The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
You know, life can be lonely. Sometimes in life, you can find yourself that you are in a place where you can't make it alone. Sometimes, it happens that you just want a a shoulder to lean on.
Sometimes, it can just happen that you want to be in a place where you just want to share your feelings without being judged.
Sometimes, you just want to be in a place where you are just having fun or telling stories to one another.
That is why God has ordained relationship : to warm one another up against the coldness of life, because life can be cold sometime.
That is why writing to Timothy, Paul, facing the cold, says, in 2 Timothy 4:13 The cloke that I left at Troas with Carpus, when thou comest, bring with thee, and the books, but especially the parchments.
You know, we need relationship to kindle the fire of prayer, to come together to a place where we can hold the hand of one another to pray, where we can excite one another to read the Bible, to fight discouragement by encouraging one another and become better people.
That is why God has ordained relationship.
PURPOSE 4 | TO RESIST THE ENEMY
Ecclesiastes 4:12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
This word means that when you are two, together you gain more strength to fight the enemy.
The threefold cord that cannot be broken means that when God is in the center, love will be in the center and the purpose will be the target.
Those are the three cords : love, God and purpose.
When they are together, you can be more effective and you will remain tied to one another in an healthy way, not in a, an unhealthy way.
The Bible says again in Deuteronomy 32:30 New King James Version (NKJV)
How could one chase a thousand, And two put ten thousand to flight, Unless their Rock had sold them, And the LORD had surrendered them?
You see? Relationship is ordained by God for exponential strength. Isn't is powerful?
That is what God has ordained the relationship to be.
PURPOSE 5 | TO ENJOY
In Psalm 133:1, David says, “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”
God has ordained the relationship (marriage,...) to be enjoyable, to be a place of enjoyment, to be a place where you find pleasure, to be a place where you find joy. A place where you can be having fun, you can be laughing etc. That is why God has ordained relationship.
PURPOSE 6 | TO GO UP
Again, the bible says in Acts 3:1 that Peter and John were going up together. So, God has ordained relationship to be a place where we are going up together. That is the ordinance of God.
WHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO STRESSFUL?
But unfortunately, what God has ordained for us to enjoy has become according to some searches the source number one of stress. That's why you can just type the word relationship on Google search, you will find tones and tones of contents because relationships are becoming so stressful.
And I am concerned. I'm asking myself, why is it that way? Why something supposed to lift me up has become a place to bring me down? Why is it that instead of warming one another up, we are growing colder? What is the problem? Why is it that instead of fighting the enemy together we are fighting one another as if we were enemies? Why is that way?
Why is it that instead of being a place where we encourage one another, relationships are becoming a place that are pulling people down?
I have gathered for you twenty-six complaints that show/signal that somebody is emotionally exhausted.
REASON 1- “I am emotionally tired of feeling like I’m the only one fighting for this relationship.”
As far as a relationship is concerned, we are supposed to fight together.
Let me give you an example. If in a relationship the couple does not have children, the husband should not push the wife to go for treatments or for prayers while he is watching passively. No. It can be exhausting and tiring.
As a couple, you are called to fight together, not alone.
REASON 2- “I can’t deal with the rollercoaster of emotions anymore, I’m emotionally exhausted.”
A rollercoaster is an elevated railway (as in an amusement park) constructed with sharp curves and steep inclines on which cars roll. Something resembling a roller coaster especially : behavior, events, or experiences characterized by sudden and extreme changes.
The rollercoaster of emotions happens therefore when you have stuffs in your mind, you can't settle them, you can't figure them out. That alone can be very much exhausting. It can cause you to lack sleep. Or if you sleep, you can't and don't rest.
I want to believe that God will deliver somebody this week.
REASON 3- “I am tired of giving my all to someone who only takes, without giving anything in return.”
Relationship has been ordained by God to be a place where you give and you receive. You can't be in a place where you are just giving and not receiving in return. It can be tiresome.
Imagine that you are giving attention to the husband/wife and they don't reciprocate. What does it look like?
REASON 4- “It hurts being in a relationship where my feelings are constantly invalidated.”
When your feelings are not validated, it's like you are being judged for being true. It can get you to be tired.
REASON 5- “I’m emotionally drained from putting up with constant disrespect.”
God has ordained relationship to be a place of mutual respect, a place where partners respect one another. But where there is disrespect, it drains.
REASON 6- “I am tired of pretending everything is okay when deep down, I’m hurting.”
Are there some women following me? Some of you like protecting men who beat you up because you don't want people to know that your marriage has challenges.
It also happens to men who protect abusive wives pretending outside, keeping a smile outside while inside they are hurting. It will drain you. Can you come to a place where you are just true to yourself? Can you come to a place where you stop pretending?
We must come to that place where we stop pretending before people by holding our hands like everything is okay while we are lying not only to ourselves but also to others.
You are posting pictures on social media showing that you are smiling, but you know that you are lying. That will exhaust you because you can't pretend for long.
REASON 7- “I’m emotionally exhausted from trying to make a relationship work that is clearly broken.”
It is only God who can bring to life what is dead. When there is nothing, there is nothing. Please, you can refer to the teaching on Friday, "Is there a way out of a toxic relationship?"
You need wisdom from above. And the lack of wisdom will make you work on something that is clearly broken. It's a waste of time. You will get tired because not everything is meant to be fixed.
REASON 8- “I can’t continue being in a relationship where my needs and feelings are constantly ignored.”
Are you getting what I'm talking about? A relationship is a place where our needs are met. Yes that's why we are together. But when we are together and we are ignoring one another's feelings and needs, it cannot be called a relationship. It will lead to emotional exhaustion. It is a sign that there is no love there.
You cannot be with your spouse and s(he) falls for example but you even don't care. You are just there playing your game before your screen. Something is wrong with you.
If you behave that way it can mean that even if s(he) dies, it will not bother you. That is not healthy at all.
REASON 9- “I’m tired of investing my emotions in someone who doesn’t appreciate it.”
You know, lack of appreciation can get somebody tired. It will tire you to be in a place where partners never say thank you to one another.
In our relationships, we must learn manners. When you are being served or you are given something, say thank you.
Healthy relationships are based on 3 A’s :
Appreciation : Thank You
Everywhere there is no appreciation, there will be depreciation.
Affection : I Love you
A relationship without affection is an infection.
Apology : I am sorry
A relationship without apology is a misery. We are not perfect. We must come to a place where when we are wrong, we admit instead of brushing off.
Those three A's are important to build a happy relationship. You understand therefore that we are getting tired in relationship because there is no appreciation.
What I'm saying is not only true for relationship of marriage. It's also true for any other relationship.
For example, I am working with people around me. It is my duty to come to a place where I appreciate them for what they are doing. When I fail to appreciate them, they might get demotivated.
The people in Church must appreciate their pastor. The pastor must appreciate the people. The church members must appreciate one another.
REASON 10- “I am tired of trying to fix something that seems completely unfixable.”
I always teach you that you should learn to do your part and let God do his. Sometimes some situations are beyond repair. Not that you don't want but it is beyond repair. Yes God is able, but he cannot be able beyond what we as human beings are willing to offer.
Even salvation is impossible without you being willing as it is written in Isaiah 1:19-20 NKJV, “If you are willing and obedient, You shall eat the good of the land; But if you refuse and rebel, You shall be devoured by the sword”; For the mouth of the LORD has spoken”.
I remember in our office, we had a printer. We tried to fix it but it could not be fixed. Though it was important for us, but it was not only unfixable, but also the cost of fixing it was equivalent to the price of buying another one. We dropped it.
Please, don't try to fix the unfixable. It will tire you. You will get tired. Give it away to God and let Him do the rest for your life.
Don't try to fix the unfixable.
There are human beings, there are men, there are women who are unfixable. No matter what you do, you can't fix them.
Even Jesus the son Of God who prayed the whole night appoint Judah as his disciple could not keep him as himself said in John 17:12, "While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled".
There are people like Judas. No matter what you do, you can't keep them. In fact, somebody who does not want to be kept, don't tire yourself to try to keep them. There are some folks out there who are so busy moving from one mountain to another trying to fix relationships.
My urge this morning is this … DON’T TRY TO FIX THE UNFIXABLE.
That's why many are getting tired emotionally trying to fix the unfixable.
CONCLUSION
In summary
Don't fight for a relationship with somebody who is not interested in it.
Take care of yourself. It is not selfishness. It is your responsibility because nobody else will do it for you.
Give and do good without expecting anything in return.
Don't expect any validation from anybody of your feelings. If it is not freely given, may it not be beggarly received. What I mean is don't beg for validation from anybody.
Draw boundaries for your respect. Never compromise
Stop pretending. Start being real.
Don't try to make something that clearly cannot work work. Leave it to God.
You don't need anybody to validate your needs and your feelings. If it is not provided in the relationship, take care of yourself.
Don't expect appreciation from anybody not willing to release it to you. Expect your reward from God not from people.
- Don't try to fix the unfixable. You are not God. There is God in heaven.
These ten things I have provided to you today will already help you to bring balance to your emotion, to bring peace and joy in your life. When you are in a relationship that is not offering you all those things, go ahead before the Lord and pray and tell God Lord thank you for this message of today. Can we just pray? I am thankful.
I'm thankful.
I am thankful.
I am thankful.
I am thankful.
Pray and tell God, Lord I need your grace. I need your grace. I need your grace, I need your grace, I need your grace, I need your grace, I need your grace to get back my power.
Maybe you are there, you are tired, you are really tired, you can lift your hand and I want to pray God to to restore strength unto you.
God is giving you strength, receive the strength from above, receive the strength from above, receive the strength from above, receive the strength from above, receive the strength from above, receive, receive, receive, may God give you the strength you need.
In the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus, the son of the living God, may it be done for you. God is the one. He said Jesus say come to me you are heavy laden. I will give you peace. Come to Jesus I will give you rest. Come to the Lord he will give you rest. Come to the Lord he will give you rest.
Come to the Lord he will give you peace. Come to the Lord he will give you peace. You will not get it from men. We get it from God. Come to Jesus. And we give you the peace you need. In the name of Jesus Christ. The son of the living God. I have prayed. You want to talk to us? Please the numbers are there.
We offer counselling for free. I invite you on 17th December this is our Thanksgiving celebration for our relocation to our new place and the name of the Lord will be glorified. God has something to do for you. He want to bring you peace, to bring you joy and he will do it because he has done it for others he will also do it for you.
Remain in prayer. Remain in ah fellowship. Contact men of God who will help you in prayer and all will be well with you. May God bless you and may God do you good in the name of Jesus Christ. This son of God. Thank you to Hilda Asnat Nene for the work behind the scene and God bless you. See you tomorrow for the continuity of this message.
Pastor TD Kasuku
No comments:
Post a Comment