KINGDOM SECRETS TO PROCESS YOUR EMOTIONS | MONDAY 19-06-2023
PART 1 : HOW TO SHIFT FROM PAIN TO GAIN*
Biblical Case : Amnon and Tamar | 2 Samuel Chapter 13
2Sa 13:1 And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.
2Sa 13:2 And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her.
2Sa 13:3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man.
2Sa 13:4 And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king's son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister.
2Sa 13:5 And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand.
2Sa 13:6 So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand.
2Sa 13:7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon's house, and dress him meat.
2Sa 13:8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house; and he was laid down. And she took flour, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes.
2Sa 13:9 And she took a pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And they went out every man from him.
2Sa 13:10 And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of thine hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother.
2Sa 13:11 And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister.
2Sa 13:12 And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly.
2Sa 13:13 And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee.
2Sa 13:14 Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.
2Sa 13:15 Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.
2Sa 13:16 And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her.
2Sa 13:17 Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her.
2Sa 13:18 And she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king's daughters that were virgins apparelled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her.
2Sa 13:19 And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying.
2Sa 13:20 And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house.
2Sa 13:21 But when king David heard of all these things, he was very wroth.
2Sa 13:22 And Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad: for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.
THE ABSALOM APPROACH OF DEALING WITH FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS
(CEV) Tamar's brother Absalom said to her, "How could Amnon have done such a terrible thing to you! But since he's your brother, don't tell anyone what happened. Just try not to think about it." Tamar soon moved into Absalom's house, but she was always sad and lonely.
(ERV) Then Tamar's brother Absalom said to her, "Have you been with your brother Amnon? Did he hurt you? Now, calm down sister. Amnon is your brother, so we will take care of this. Don't let it upset you too much." So Tamar did not say anything. She quietly went to live at Absalom's house.
(ESV) And her brother Absalom said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom's house.
(GW) Her brother Absalom asked her, "Has your brother Amnon been with you? Sister, be quiet for now. He's your brother. Don't dwell on this matter." So Tamar stayed there at the home of her brother Absalom and was depressed.
(ISV) Later, her brother Absalom asked her, "Has Amnon, that brother of yours, raped you? Then keep quiet about your half-brother for now, my sister. Stop taking this so personally." From that time on, Tamar lived in continual desolation within her brother Absalom's house.
5 reasons why Absalom’s approach is wrong:
1- It is unhealthy
2- It leaves the feelings unprocessed/undealt with
3- It feeds negativity
4- It keeps a person desolate
5- It leads to crime
CHAPTER 3 | UNDERSTANDING YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS
● God gave us our feelings and emotions for a reason.
● Living by faith doesn’t mean we ignore them.
● They are not evil by themselves, but what we allow our thoughts to dwell on may be negative and causing an unhealthy overload of negative emotions.
● Let me pause for a while and ask a question "why do you feel the way you feel?
● Observation 1 | It's just a feeling and it's okay to feel the way you feel
You are free to feel the way you feel. In fact, no one should judge you for feeling the way you are feeling. No one.
● It's okay to say you are feeling low, sad, happy, unhappy, ...
● But the truth is that feelings and emotions are real, but they are not facts.
● In fact, the reality is that feelings are free but the consequences of those feelings are not.
● They carry a price tag. They cost.
● That's why someone said ... Facts don't care about your feelings.
● Observation 2 | It's not only about your feeling. It's about your thinking.
● Our thoughts trigger our feelings
● Our feelings are very real but can be based or triggered by a negative, overthinking, thought process instead of the truth.
● You feel the way you feel because of the way you think.
● Your feelings are always an indicator of your thinking. If you change your thinking -- you change your feeling.
● If you think you are unworthy, worthless, you will feel that way ...
● This is what healed my low self esteem. I realized that by healing my thinking -- I could heal my life.
● I began to see myself as the Word Of God sees me. I started confessing it daily.
● Then, the low self esteem I used to have left me.
● Wayne Dyer puts it like this:
"Change the way you look at things and the way you look at things change."
● Observation 3 | It's not only about how you are feeling and how you are thinking. It's also about how you are believing.
What you believe is what you accept to be true and what you accept to be true will affect how you feel about something or about someone.
● Observation 4 | Don’t believe everything you feel. Feelings are not facts.
Just because I feel useless, hopeless, unlovable, and worthless, doesn’t mean I am.
This might seem obvious to some but emotions can be convincing and the evidence seems to abound to confirm said subjective experience.
Recognize feelings for what they are: feelings; not facts, not the Truth, not edicts.
Our feelings can change at the drop of a hat, the tune of a song, or the embrace of a friend.
Can we trust our own feelings, allowing them to guide our decisions if they are so quickly changing?
● Observation 5 | We can control/manage our emotions.
Human beings were created with emotions.
What are they?
They are expressions of how we respond to certain situations or individuals.
Emotions also verify that we were created in the likeness of God, for God also expresses emotions.
There is something powerful about emotions. They guide us, inhibit us, and, best of all, connect us to people. They impact our mental health. Best news is we can control emotions.
Knowing how to control/manage our emotions is an important aspect of living the best life. To have emotional stability. And furthermore, a way to find peace.
Observation 6 | Biblical Illustration
We see Jesus operating at a high level of emotional maturity. What was the secret behind such?
Case 1 | Death of a loved one
When John the Baptist died, Jesus went into a solitary place to cope with the situation alone.
Matthew 14:13 NKJV
When Jesus heard it, He departed from there by boat to a deserted place by Himself.
Another version says ...
He withdrew himself ...
When Lazarus was sick, he never rushed. He stayed for more days. And he came late after he was buried 4 days.
John 11:6 NKJV
So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was.
John 11:6 NKJV
So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was.
Rashness and impulsiveness : the disciples in the storm accused Jesus of being uncaring.
Case 2 | The people of Israel accused God for plotting their death in the desert.
Ps. 31:22 - "For I said in my haste (alarm), I am cut off from before Your eyes."
Ps 116:11 - "For I said in my haste, all men are liars." * In our panic and consternation we make exaggerated statements. * We project the worse:
REMINDER
l It's just a feeling and it's okay
l It's not only a feeling. It's a thinking.
It's not only a feeling and a thinking. It's also a believing.
STEPS TO PROCESS YOUR EMOTIONS*
CHAPTER 1 | INTRODUCTION
Among many reasons why Jesus came in the world,, one of them was to heal the brokenhearted. (Luke 4:18)
● Wars between men come from wars inside men.
James 4:1 NKJV
Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?
CHAPTER 2 | WHAT IS PROCESSING YOUR EMOTIONS?
● Definition 1 | It is the ability to understand, manage and handle emotions.
Note | Emotions are not meant to rule over you but to be ruled by you. That is emotional maturity.
Genesis 4:6-7
● Definition 2 | It is to know how to respond to tough situations without being overwhelmed.
We have the case of Jesus Christ who was operating at a very high level of emotional maturity
- When facing the storm, the disciples are overwhelmed but Jesus was sleeping. That's emotional maturity.
- When betrayed by his close apostle, Jesus calls him friend. That's emotional maturity.
- After the news of John the Baptist, Jesus withdraws into a desert place. That's emotional maturity.
- When facing five thousand people to feed, the disciples were worried. But Jesus thanked God and performed the impossible from the available. That's emotional maturity.
- When arrested by the enemies, Peter cut the ear of Malchus. But Jesus healed him and willingly faced death. That's emotional maturity.
- When a group of his disciples decide to leave him and go, Jesus is not hurting. He is not looking disturbed. Rather, He was so composed that he is asking those who remained with him … “Are you not going?” That's emotional processing.
CHAPTER 2 | WHY DO WE FEEL EMOTIONAL PAIN?*
In every pain we feel, there are 4 major facts : the person, the action, the inner voice and the negative feelings.
FACT 1- Emotional pain is connected to the person who has offended you. What does it mean?
Behind the pain you feel there is someone. It can be your spouse, your friend, your colleague, your parent, your sibling etc
FACT 2- Emotional pain is connected to the action that has offended us. What does it mean?
Behind the pain, there is you feel emotionally, there is something done against you that has caused or is causing you to feel that way. It can be
a- Disappointment : You did not get from the person some things you wanted, some things you looked forward to, or some things that you expected.
b- Rejection : You experienced the loss of some important parts of your relationship and felt that some personal flaw of yours might have been the cause of the loss of the relationship.
c- Abandonment : You were left behind, physically or emotionally. This experience left you feeling fearful and insecure about the future.
d- Ridicule : You were the object of mockery.
e- Humiliation : You lost every shred of pride and dignity you had.
f- Betrayal : Your confidence was completely destroyed.
g- Deception : You were lied to, cheated on, or deceived.
h- Abuse : You were treated in a way that degraded who you are and robbed you of your dignity, emotionally, physically, or sexually.
i- Separated, unconnected, or estranged: you felt a loss of connection.
j- Basic psychological needs unmet : Love and Significance
FACT 3- Emotional pain is connected to the inner voices within us. What does it mean?
Behind the pain, there are inner conversations we are having within ourselves. There are inner voices we are listening to. There are things we ruminate about the person and the action did to us. That is what I call "nurturing the hurt".
For example, after Jacob deceived his brother Esau, Esau was hurting. He was in pain. And the Bible says about Esau that in the process of meditating, he decided within himself to kill Jacob.
Gen 27:41 Esau hated his brother Jacob because he had stolen the blessing that was supposed to be his. So he said to himself, "Just as soon as my father dies, I'll kill Jacob."
FACT 4- Emotional pain is connected to the negative feelings. What does it mean?
It means that nurturing the hurt brings us pain, anger, resentment, bitterness, hostility, hatred, etc…
CHAPTER 3 | HOW TO HEAL AND EXCHANGE BEAUTY FOR ASHES?
To answer this question, Let me rewind
The pain we feel within us comes from 4 facts P.A.I.N. To heal, you need to turn the P.A.I.N. to G.A.I.N.
Biblical case : Joseph | Genesis 50:20
STEP 1: Shift from the Person (the offender) to God
STEP 2: Shift from the Action (the offense) to an Attitude that is positive.
STEP 3: Shift from negative Inner conversations to Positive inner conversations
STEP 4: Shift from the Negative feelings to Noble feelings
PRAYER GUIDELINES
Father in the name of Jesus Christ
● I choose to let go my offender. I release that person. I refuse to hold onto grudge, bitterness and pain.
● I set myself free today. There is Balm in Gilead, Heal my heart, heart, soul and mind.
● I don’t want to carry the baggage, it’s tiresome. I let go anger, resentment and bitterness.I get out of the house of desolation.
● I praise you because you have a good plan for me. Your plan will be fulfilled. They left me in the pit but they will find me on top.
● Thank you for beautifying my life the way you beautified Joseph.
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