● *Trapped in a toxic relationship?*
● *Trapped in a toxic relationship?*
● *Lessons from Nabal and Abigail*
● *POINT 1 | FOUNDATION CHECK : What motivated the relationship between Nabal and Abigail?*
● Arranged marriage was the custom of the day, so Abigail was probably wed to Nabal for his wealth, not for love. While she was a faithful and savvy woman, Nabal’s name (meaning “fool”) and his actions showed he was indeed a fool.
● *1 Samuel 25:2* And there was a man in Maon, whose possessions were in Carmel; and the man was very great, and he had three thousand sheep, and a thousand goats: and he was shearing his sheep in Carmel.
● *POINT* : THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT MONEY CAN BUY. BUT THERE are THAT MONEY CANNOT BUY ... HAPPINESS ... GODLINESS ... WISDOM ...
● So, when the foundation is wrong, nothing should be expected to be right.
● You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choice.
● *Psalm 11:3* If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?
● *Application* | What motivated you to enter that relationship?
● POINT 2 : MARRIED FOR WHAT OR MARRIED FOR WHO ? WHO DID YOU MARRY?
● There are four kinds of riches.
- There are riches in what you have,
- Riches in what you do,
- Riches in what you know, and
- Riches in what you are (Riches of character.)
● How does the Bible describe Nabal and Abigail?
● Opposite/ characters like day and night.
● NAME : NABAL (Meaning : Foolish)
● From 1 Samuel 25:3
Nabal was a very rich man, but only rich in what he had. He had the lowest kind of riches.
- churlish and evil in his doings
- cruel and evil in his dealings.
- harsh, and evil in his doings
- churlish, and very bad and ill natured
- mean and cruel man.
- harsh and badly behaved
- harsh and mean.
- harsh and wicked in his dealings.
- stubborn and mean, and he was as his heart.
- harsh and his deeds were evil.
- surly and evil in his doings.
- hard and evil in doings
- he was harsh and evil in his dealings
● From 1 Samuel 25:17 (his workers)
- there is no way to speak to him.
- he is a son of worthlessness, so that none can speak to him."
- he is such a worthless fellow, that one cannot speak to him.
- he is such a good-for-nothing person that it is not possible to say anything to him.
- he is a vile character, and one cannot speak to him.
- he is such a scoundrel that nobody can speak to him!”
- he is such a son of Beliya`al, that a man cannot speak to him.
- He is so mean that he won't listen to anybody!"
- He’s such a worthless man that it’s useless to talk to him.”
- he is such a wicked man, nobody can reason with him!"
- he is too much a son of worthlessness to be spoken to.”
● From his wife 1 Samuel 25:25
- Please do not let my lord regard this man of worthlessness, Nabal, for as his name is, so he is. Nabal is his name, and foolishness is with him. And I, your handmaid, did not see the young men of my lord, whom you sent.
- Let my lord give no attention to Nabal, that good-for-nothing: for as his name is, so is he, a man without sense
- Let not my lord, I pray thee, take to heart this pestilent man, for according to his name, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him: but I thy handmaid saw not the servants of my lord whom thou didst send.
- My lord should pay no attention to this scoundrel Nabal, for he lives up to his name: His name means Fool, and folly accompanies him. - Sir, don't pay any attention to that worthless man, Nabal. His name means 'Foolish,' and that is what he is.
- You shouldn’t take this worthless person Nabal seriously. He is like his name. His name is Nabal [Godless Fool], and he’s foolish. But I didn’t see the young men you sent.
- Please do not let my lord set his heart against this worthless man, Nabal; for as his name, so is he. Nabal is his name, and stupidity is with him! But I, your female servant, did not see the young men of my lord whom you sent.
● From 1 Samuel 25:36
- He was a drunkard.
● 1 Samuel 25:3
● NAME : ABIGAIL (Joy of the father)
- a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance
- a woman of good sense and pleasing looks
- prudent and very comely woman
- wise and beautiful woman
- discerning and beautiful
- sensible and beautiful
- intelligent and beautiful
- wise and beautiful
- both wise and beautiful
- intelligent and had a beautiful face
- woman of good understanding, and of fair form
- intelligent and beautiful in appearance
● POINT 3 : HOW ...
● THOUGHT / TALK / TREAT / TEMPER
● How one thinks. How one talks. How one treats others...
● What made Nabal carry such a profile is those 3 T : how he thinks. How he talks. How he treats others.
● He thinks only about himself. He talks carelessly. He treats other poorly and badly.
● David and his men had protected Nabal’s men and possessions, so Nabal should have shared the fruits of his wealth with David, having profited from his services
● David asked for very little, just for whatever he had on hand to feed them-it was a festive time, celebrating the profits from shearing the sheep-David didn’t ask for a share of the profits, just a some provisions at festival time
● 1Sa 25:8 Ask thy young men, and they will shew thee. Wherefore let the young men find favour in thine eyes: for we come in a good day: give, I pray thee, whatsoever cometh to thine hand unto thy servants, and to thy son David.
● If it were not for David, highly probably that Nabal would have lost a great deal of his wealth to Philistines who were plundering threshing floors-at the least, Nabal owe David a share of his profits, since he had profited from David’s protection
● 1Sa 25:10 And Nabal answered David's servants, and said, Who is David? and who is the son of Jesse? there be many servants now a days that break away every man from his master.
● 1Sa 25:11 Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be?
- Proud. Arrogant. Mean. Ungrateful. Careless. Harsh. Talk without thinking. Put his whole family and household in trouble because of his carelessness.
- Pr. 15:1, 4, 18, 26, 28, 33 gentle, soothing, slow to anger – profitable, best way to act
● Think before you speak
● Pro 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
● Pro 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.
● Pro 15:18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
● Pro 15:26 The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD: but the words of the pure are pleasant words.
● Pro 15:28 The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.
● Pro 15:33 The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.
-vs. 1 harsh word stirs up anger (Nabal, David), gentle answers turns away wrath
-vs. 4 soothing tongue is like a tree of life (Abigail), but perversion in it crushes the spirit
-vs. 18 hot-tempered man stirs up strife (Nabal, David), but the slow to anger calms a dispute (Abigail)-
vs. 26 evil plans are an abomination to the Lord (Nabal), but pleasant words are pure (Abigail)-
vs. 28 heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil (Nabal)
- vs. 33 the fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, and before honor comes humility (Nabal’s problem)
● WHAT TO DO WHEN TRAPPED IN SUCH A RELATIONSHIP? IT IS ALL ABOUT YOUR CHOICE
● 1ST FACT / You can choose to run away, to fight him/her or let God fight for you. It is a choice.
Abigail chose not to fight but let God fight for her. As a matter of fact, God himself stroke Nabal who died and Abigail became the king's wife.
"*The LORD shall fight for you*, and ye shall hold your peace." (Exodus 14:14)
"*Ye shall not [need] to fight in this [battle]*: set yourselves, stand ye [still], and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them: for the LORD [will be] with you." (2 Chronicles 20:17)
● 2ND FACT / You can choose to become as bitter, weird and vile as he or she is or let God have his way in your heart. It is a choice. Abigail chose and preferred not to stop to continue to be kind, godly, welcoming, God fearing, honoring servants of God.
She never allowed herself to be contaminated by evil but knew how to overcome evil with good.
"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." (*Romans 12:21*)
● 3RD FACT / You can choose to focus on your partner's misbehavior, drunkeness, arrogance and waste your time complaining about it and weigh yourself down because of it or focus on Jesus.
Listen to what Abigail says to David in *1 Samuel 25:25*, "You shouldn’t take this worthless person Nabal seriously. He is like his name. His name is Nabal [Godless Fool], and he’s foolish.."
She knew she cannot change him so she chose to focus on how to become herself a better person.
● 4th FACT / You can choose to wish him/her evil or pray (intercede) for him/her.
Abigail could have left David come and kill Nabal. But she stood and interceded for him so that evil would not befall him.
● CONCLUSION : GOD HAS A WAY OUT ...
1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
There was a dormant queen in Abigail but Nabal failed to appreciate it because he could not see it. Our God who is a good God is not and cannot be indifferent when you live in such a relationhip where you cry more than you laugh, where you fear more than you are safe.
Psalm 124:7 We have escaped like a bird from the snare of ...
Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: The snare is broken, and we are escaped. ... Our soul is like a sparrow escaped from a snare of ...
Psalm 91:3
Surely He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler, and from the deadly plague.
2 Thessalonians 3:1 Finally, brethren, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may have free course, and be glorified, even as it is with you:
2 Thessalonians 3:2 And that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men: for all men have not faith.
2 Thessalonians 3:3 But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.
Pastor TD KASUKU
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